Make Him Guilty

[Skribbblie]

You bought that part of his computer and you are typing on the computer you used the part in. The part was traced to you, and you are found in possession of fifty-six bulldog puppies in one cage, a bag of marijuana, a brick house crafted from bricks of cocaine, sixty-seven buckets of random human body parts, an illegal nuclear reactor, a nuclear device, an Al-Qaeda operative, a Taliban soldier, an IRA fugitive, sixty bazookas, an obviously forged birth certificate stating your name was Lawles Nashun, and six tubes of meth-infused toothpaste. Any questions?

I was burned alive at the stake.

[RubiksMaster123]

You burned yourself, and suicide is a crime in my area.

I was proven innocent by a judge.

[Skribbblie]

You are ruled innocent by a judge, not necessarily proven. In fact, you did murder those bums under the highway a mile from the Pizza Hut. You have so much guilt that you suicide, which is a crime in your area.

I have eaten a wristwatch. Problem?

[mdog95]

The wristwatch was loaded with explosives, and you brought it on a plane.

I called the police when I witnessed somebody being brutally beaten by somebody I don't know.

[Skribbblie]

You called the police from the house you were robbing with your partner when somebody you didn't know attacked. Nice going, genius...

I am holding a bazooka in a convenience store and smoking a cigar as I light the hostages on fire.

[Deleted]

Enough said.
I'm breathing.

[mdog95]

You breathed in twenty kilos of cocaine, and when you were caught, the police found out you have about 15 megatons of cocaine stashed in your basement.

I wrote an essay.

[Skribbblie]

You wrote a creative free write essay about WW3 in North Korea. Let's just say, you never existed.

I am taking a walk on the wild side...

[Likep]

This "Wild Side" is a gang neighborhood, and - of course - they want you to join them...

I bought a video game

[Skribbblie]

You bought a video game that was pirated and rigged to explode. The instant you walked into that orphanage with it...

I am an ORPHAN! IN A WHEELCHAIR! BLIND! DEAF! NUMB! MUTE!

[Likep]

You're not an orphan. It was disguise. You sneak into an orphanage to murder them all.

I am texting.

[Skribbblie]

Wait, sneaking into an orphanage and killing orphans is a CRIME?

You are actually sexting. Ouch man, she's not even that hot of a 5 year old.

I have moved my bed five inches.

[Deleted]

You've moved your bed to displace enough pressure to work the button connected to the crate of dynamite underneath your victim's house.
I am dying from a fatal disease.

[Likep]

Fatal Disease? According to the doctor you are fine. You are trying to sneak into a hospital. And kill everyone. Bish.

I am being lazy.

[Deleted]

Rather than doing your friggin job and rescuing the earthquake victims.
I am typing this post.

[Zrined]

The post contains subliminal messages making someone bomb the universe.

I am taking a bath.

[Deleted]

In order to displace the water to complete the circuit to blow up Venus.
My backward slash key just popped off.

[Zrined]

It fell on a button which launched 4,000 nuclear missiles towards China causing WW3, you are arrested for trespassing.

I sit on a log.

[FoxtrotZero]

The log turned out to be a secret entrance for an underground drug manufacturing room. Everyone ran away, thinking you were cops rapelling through the roof. You were knocked out in a pile of cocaine when the cops showed up later that day, and you were arrested for posession of 500,000kg of assorted narcotics.

I sat on a park bench with a sandwich.

[AlchmistFaust]

You are watching the little girls at the park, planning a way of kidnapping them and violenting each one repeatedly while asking the parents the absurd quantity of 1 millions dollars for each one of the 3 girls. The police are able to trace your phone because you didn't use any method of masking it, and you are arrested. The little girls are found in a state of shock.


I wrote a poem

[Skribbblie]

You wrote a dissidence-supporting anti-nationalist poem in China.

I am dumping acid into someone's IV tube, accidentally, and the doctor is nowhere to be found.

[Zrined]

The man happens to be immune and strangles you to death.

I don't exist.

[mdog95]

Since you don't exist but you used to, most people think you committed suicide, which will get you straight into an insane asylum.

Somebody's face broke.

[Skribbblie]

Somebody's face broke aaaaaaall over your fist.

I just snorted half a tablespoon of black pepper.

[Zrined]

That was the last food available to an orphanage of 50 children.

I just bought a baseball bat with legal tender.

[Alonso]

You play baseball and you hit the ball out of the stadium and into a car window as it is driving past cursing him to crash, then kill mor epeoole, you killed unintentionally 37 people.
I just played my piano, and made no crime against music.

[Skribbblie]

Your piano smashes a baby seal with every note played - and you're playing Death Waltz. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx02KOGhjes)
I am filling a thermos I purchased with legal tender at a local reputable store. It is being filled with lukewarm water.

[Alonso]

You trip and bump into the wicked witch of the dead and spill all the water on her ad she melts.
I kill skribble as I am an executinor in Kansas And execute him for the death of the witch with the governments permission

[Skribbblie]

You execute me with the permission of the North Korean government. In the US of A.

I just lost an eyebrow.

[IvanYiu247]

The eyebrow goes into someone else's eye, irritating it and the person focuses on getting the eyebrow out. He then cannot see a car running towards him and gets killed.

I am waiting for my exam results.