In antilogic, you are given a simple problem to solve.Your job is to do the most outlandish, creative thing possible to solve that problem, and present the next player with another problem. Example problem: Your doorknob is broken. Solution: You break into the white house, sneak into the oval office, and carve a doorknob out of Obama's shoe while he's giving a speech.
I swim across the ocean to Saudi Arabia and win a free gas for life competition by solving their hunger problems. I then swim back across and fill up a squirt gun with fuel and fire it from 50 ft away into the gas tank.
Post by Fringe Pioneer on Feb 17, 2012 21:58:03 GMT
Build up an army that uses a 1:1 mixture of liquid gold and ununoctium to power a superweapon, invade the Middle East under the pretense that they have superweapons or actually care about America being "the Great Satan," bring down dictators, bring up the Taliban and al Qaeda, use up all the oil, process that oil into gasoline and whatever else, distribute it into gas stations all across the nation, raise gas prices by 400% and blame the rise on poor diplomatic relations, and sell the gas to those who are low on gas after you give your own car gas for free.
EDIT: I have been nonja'd. For The Guilty Party's problem, I take Monokrome's doorknob, uncarve the doorknob into a shoe, and give it to The Guilty Party.
Post by ganondorfchampin on Feb 17, 2012 22:34:00 GMT
I kill apple employees, steal their Macs, and cut them for their rare earth metals and stuff. I eventually build a super computer with the parts I've gathered and enter the calculation.
In an attempt to not make it evident that I've peed my pants, I bicycle all the way to Niagara falls, and stand under it. Then, I pee a few drops at a time into a thimble, and pur the contents on my pants. Peed pants, and nobody knows B)
you need to walk your dog.
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I go to my priest for spiritual guidance on this question. He tells me, very explicitly, "Wololololo!" My clothes suddenly changed color, and I felt kinda like a whore, but I thought little of it. His guidance did little for me, so I went to my psychiatrist next. He told me to change my way of thinking about things. I took his advice and tried doing it upside down. Besides a suddenly heavier feeling in my head, I noticed little difference. I then moved onto the guidance of my doctor. He shoved a tongue depressor down my throat, had me strip naked, molested me with his stethoscope, probed my ass, and other strange things. At the end, he said to me, "Well, you'll certainly have to find a way to kill yourself; you do not have pneumonia, SARS, prostate cancer, or even a hernia, and your heart is not prone to sudden implosion." I frowned and went home, quite displeased that my demise seemed far less than imminent. At the last minute, when all hope seemed lost, a man in black came up to me in a dark alleyway. He said to me, "Fork it over pal, money or your life." So I smiled and said back to him, "Hell, you can take both!"
You must find a leaf from a blackberry bush.
I am the restless haunt of DBF.
I'm in ur walls, eetin' ur pilloes! So get away from mah corn! I'm in ur cornfield, WHISPERING IN UR EARS!!!
Post by ganondorfchampin on Feb 26, 2012 2:36:25 GMT
You take a a chicken femur, split it partly open by jumping on it, manipulate it so the bone makes sort of a pair of tweezers with the split part being the inside of the tweezers, you grab you eyelids with it, and move them up and down. You then beat babies so they cry, collect their tears, and add them to your own eyes. You can now blink in a very obtuse way.
[glow=black,10,1000]Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Cras venenatis pellentesque elit sed vestibulum. Ut et tellus orci, nec pretium ipsum. Fusce aliquam vulputate dui, non bibendum enim commodo in. Morbi quis velit mauris. Nam blandit, nisl at dapibus auctor, eros lacus lacinia libero, nec rhoncus enim ante ut leo. Fusce purus diam, porta et facilisis ac, lobortis sed augue. Mauris tincidunt ullamcorper euismod.
Etiam aliquam justo risus. Ut nec turpis sed lectus sollicitudin elementum. Nulla ultrices ipsum sed justo ultricies eu porttitor ligula aliquet. Fusce nibh felis, varius at ullamcorper ut, tincidunt sed metus. Donec vestibulum lacinia libero, non eleifend felis rhoncus sit amet. Phasellus sagittis nulla quis enim volutpat luctus. Aliquam feugiat venenatis orci in congue. Maecenas id viverra orci. Nulla iaculis laoreet lorem ut condimentum.
Fusce eget velit est. Vivamus sed velit dolor. Phasellus sapien dui, pretium ac dignissim non, vulputate ac leo. In dictum adipiscing malesuada. Sed tempus porta enim, et viverra purus blandit ut. Donec tincidunt eleifend egestas. Mauris felis diam, tempus sit amet aliquet vitae, congue at nisl. Vestibulum augue purus, aliquam quis dapibus vel, sodales vel augue. Nullam lobortis est sit amet justo eleifend tempus et quis purus. Proin feugiat, tellus non interdum sollicitudin, nisl nisi lobortis diam, sit amet mollis ante risus ut nisl. Proin at odio scelerisque tellus volutpat condimentum. Aenean arcu nulla, interdum in dignissim sed, luctus quis sapien. Nulla porta vehicula arcu sed cursus.
Cras bibendum orci id lorem rhoncus a facilisis dolor laoreet. Sed ante enim, facilisis sit amet rutrum sed, volutpat et ligula. Nam eget felis tellus. Aliquam imperdiet felis est. Donec metus justo, consectetur sit amet sodales vitae, ultricies sed quam. Integer sed ipsum mi, ut vestibulum nulla. Proin vehicula adipiscing lacinia. Sed feugiat leo eu lectus adipiscing rutrum. In condimentum fermentum sem sit amet aliquam. Donec dignissim fringilla sagittis. Vestibulum faucibus accumsan dolor quis tincidunt. In porttitor nibh sollicitudin enim ultricies vehicula. Nulla sodales erat nec quam porttitor at vestibulum elit fringilla. Fusce ut elit eu lacus luctus lacinia in eget nisl. Phasellus a quam nibh, in placerat justo. Etiam nibh lacus, scelerisque in sodales eget, cursus feugiat dolor.
Integer rhoncus ultrices turpis, eu interdum nulla aliquam et. Etiam cursus felis sit amet leo posuere ullamcorper. Ut laoreet, orci a tempor aliquet, ante orci tempus massa, ac sodales erat velit quis justo. Fusce non porta felis. Morbi malesuada enim sit amet orci adipiscing nec malesuada tellus gravida. Fusce ac sapien urna. Nullam viverra erat sit amet magna lacinia at fermentum metus pretium. Vivamus ligula nulla, lacinia sed cursus a, tempus in odio. Phasellus eget erat a elit mollis sollicitudin tristique sit amet ipsum. Nunc quis congue sapien. Mauris at arcu nibh, in laoreet sapien. Mauris ullamcorper nibh vitae eros pretium non dictum felis bibendum. Integer posuere fermentum odio, ut cursus magna malesuada adipiscing. In ornare dignissim quam sit amet suscipit. [/glow]
You have to get from point A to point B, point A being where you are, point B being somewhere you need to be.
I first draw a graph across the world's surface, labeling points A and B. I then join the military, progressing to General. I send a team to secure point B. I then hire a taxi to take me to a place with a scenic view of point B. I call in an air-strike on point B. As the missiles land, I catapult myself and grab onto one of the missiles. I throw the missile off to detonate on the other missiles, and land on point B. EDIT: Whoops. Your phone is dead.
You request a highway to be blocked, on which you place a chain of thousands of powerboards connected to each other, beginning at a power point in your uncle's cousin's friend's stepfather's daughter's house, and ending at a laptop, with which you charge your phone via USB.Oops. You have missed your bus.
Having missed my bus, I am left standing at a bus station rather far away from my destination but not far from whence I came. After finding my way home through a slow and tiring journey that is not on a bus, I live out my life forever remembering this day.
The year is 2035 and cryogenics has become a thing of the now. I freeze myself, waking periodically. The year is 2552 when time travel becomes possibly, although incredibly expensive. The $25,000 I had in my bank account has grown to a little over a trillion dollars. I use this money to travel back in time to about seven days before I missed the bus.
Purchasing a firearm immediately, I am, by california law, allowed to have it the day I missed the bus. Several stops ahead of myself I get out of my seat at the stop I have yet to arrive at and hold the driver at gunpoint, ordering him to stay in place at the bus stop. As I walk onto the bus I am met by myself wielding a gun, who hands me several ingots of platinum and gold, and says "you almost missed your bus." He proceeds to brush past me. As the bus continues on, my cargo pants weighty with the rare metals, I hear a gunshot, and wonder what happened to myself. But now I'm rich, and more importantly, I didn't miss the ride home.
You are in the process of baking a cake when you are short by half a cup of sugar.
Out of sugar, of course. I could go around asking neighbors for sugar, but not only was that cliche, I was too lazy to do that. I could go to the grocer's market, but I had made this cake so far without having to buy any of the ingredients - I certainly wasn't going to pay several dollars to finally complete the cake. I decided to go get my mail. What else could I rationally do if I didn't have cake to eat? I sorted through the mail. Junk. Junk. Junk. Junk. Blacklist. Junk. Eviction notice. Pink slip. Junk. Junk. About halfway through the mail that I had collected over the past few years, I decided to throw the entire stash away. I literally tried to throw it into the recycling bin that lay several meters away, and of course the entire stack, not having been bound together with anything, flew apart into a little explosion of papers and envelopes. First the sugar, now this mess. I dragged myself over and bent down to pick up all the papers, inefficiently tossing each paper into the bin one by one. I nearly finished getting all the junk mail into the bin when one of the letters caught my eye. It had an aperture on it and was addressed to the current resident. Curious, I opened up the envelope and read the contents.
Apparently, some applied science company wanted fit individuals to test out some secretive technology, promising $60, cake, and grief counseling to those who would complete the tests. They also said that, according to federal, state, and local regulations, the company was required to indicate to me that they may be required to indicate that the tests could be very dangerous. The letter proceeded to warn me not to give the letter to its rival and to make sure that I visit some location at some time. The letter concluded with a thank you.
I was intrigued by the letter and decided to take up the company's offer. I didn't sense any foul play like kidney harvesting scams or urushiol tests, and the letter emanated some feeling of happiness, confidence, and a sense of work ethic. I don't know how anything could emanate a sense of work ethic, but if anything could, that letter sure did. The best part was the offer of cake - why bother making a cake for free when I could just get a cake for free without all the work? I put the letter on the coffee table, went to the coat closet, grabbed my jacket, walked up to the door, withdrew my umbrella from the umbrella stand, opened the door, and walked outside amidst the rubble and wreckage. I strolled down the broken cobblestone pathway from my derelict apartment to the bloodstained driveway where I kept my car. My car wasn't there, but a few slabs of concrete and a Segway were there, so I stepped over some of the corpses that had lay decaying for a few days now and climbed onto the Segway. I turned it on, backed it out of the crevice it was in, and drove off to the mysterious address the letter detailed. It took a few hours going at 70 mph on the highway, but I managed to beat rush hour traffic and make it to some abandoned parking lot.
The letter said to go into a rusty shack, press the lone button, and wait. No sooner did I press the button than than the floor of the shack started dropping at half the acceleration of gravity, bringing me down into the depths of the facility. When the floor finally stopped moving, I found myself in a lobby. The PM system told me to walk up to the receptionist to sign some phonebook of a contract and pick up my equipment. After blindly signing the legal papers, the receptionist handed me some bulky white device with a black shaft surrounded by three prongs. Some person in a lab coat went up to me and described how I was supposed to utilize the device, explaining what it did and what I should do. I was then ushered into a chamber where the back door was locked behind me. The lights to the chamber turned on slowly, in much the way fluorescent lights wired in series are apt to do, and revealed the layout. To collect my $60, cake, and grief counseling session reservation, I had to do some complicated stuff. I stepped on a really large button on the floor which opened a door. I shot at a wall beyond the door, shot at a wall next to me, and stepped off the button. The door closed immediately, but I simply walked through the hole in the wall I made and appeared on the other side of the door, where I had first shot at the wall. I then grabbed a heart-decorated box, shot at the floor, shot at the ceiling directly above where I shot at the floor, and dropped the cube through. After letting the cube pick up momentum, I shot at the highest part of the wall and launched the cube directly into a button in a fire pit out of reach, destroying the cube and opening the exit. I then got went to the exit. A scientist led me into a room and gave me $60. I asked about the cake, at which point he led me into another room and closed the door. The entire room started going upward and the PM system told me to have a nice day. I reached the surface after waiting for a few minutes and exited from a rusty shack. My Segway was missing, but in its place was a cake with wheels on it. I drove the cake back home. When I arrived, I pondered what to do with the cake. I could save myself the trouble of working to make my cake by simply eating it, but I didn't want to lose my vehicle again, so I took only a fistful of cake, extracted all the sugar from it, and put half a cup of the sugar into the mix I had out. I then finished mixing and baking the cake I started several hours ago.
I spend years learning and obtaining materials to build an entirely new type of computer. Once I have it I single-handedly program an operating system. Of course, it'd be too easy if I ended there. As the OS is incompatible with all of this, I use complex social engineering to literally switch the ENTIRE INTERNET over to something compatible with the OS.
Then I post.
You want to play a game, but your computer isn't powerful enough.
I destroy the computer in frustration, then find out I don't have enough money to purchase a new one. I have decided to take a course in Bio Chemical Engineering. The full course took 10 years but I finally get fully qualified. I look for jobs to get some cash, and finally get a full time job. There is no time off for the first few years of work, and 4 years later I have earned a heap load of cash. I decide to play the game at last! I sit in my dark room playing a game that is 15 years out dated, and now nobody plays. (sorry about the screwed up tenses)
You need to find some shelter because it is raining
I strip the bark off a tree with my bare hands and light a fire by cannibalizing a chainsaw. Then the rain falls and puts it out, making me sad. I take every piece of the tree off, piece by piece, by hand. I then reassemble the tree and light it on fire with a cannibalized chainsaw. But then the rain puts it out, making me sad. I then take all of the ashes, glue them together with extracted sap of the tree, and make a somewhat sturdy roofing above me. Then I tear off every piece of my wooden, rain-proof lean-to and light a fire under the roof I made from the ash. This time, the fire did not put it out, and I was happy.
You need to insert a quarter into a vending machine to receive a blue gumball from a vending machine of blue gumballs.
I am the restless haunt of DBF.
I'm in ur walls, eetin' ur pilloes! So get away from mah corn! I'm in ur cornfield, WHISPERING IN UR EARS!!!
I think it is a waste of energy pulling the quarter out of my pocket, lifting my hand and inserting the coin, so I design a robotic hand. I insert 10 quarters into a 'steel vending machine' to get the materials. I then insert 3 quarters into a 'joints vending machine' to get nuts, bolts and welding solder. I pay 20 quarters to get the right machinery. I use a lot of manual energy pulling everything together. I finally make the hand! I go to the blue gumball vending machine, and what do you know, I have used all of my quarters
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