Borderline Science, Inc. - Memo to Fringe Pioneers Apr 24, 2011 1:45:43 GMT
Post by Fringe Pioneer on Apr 24, 2011 1:45:43 GMT
FROM: Jacob Smith, Founder and C.E.O.
TO: Reality Fringe Pioneers
SUBJECT: First Day of Research
Let me be the first to thank you for your less-than-voluntary decision to serve as lifelong test subjects in the Reality Observation Fringe Laboratories, or, as you may commonly hear afterwards, the Reality Fringe! You should know that it is a great honor to be a "fringe pioneer" and come face-to-face with Science so that others may bask in its glory. Your job is an important one, as pioneering toward Science is the greatest, most revealing way to learn and share it. Much, maybe even all of the research done at Borderline Science relies on you fringe pioneers. Go ahead and give yourselves a pat on the back right now - it's a major accomplishment to have merely become a fringe pioneer.
Now, before you go out and pioneer for Science, I need to go over a few things with you. In order to avoid invalidation of results, which would prevent Borderline Science from getting close to Science, your day-to-day experiences in the Reality Fringe will be strictly monitored and controlled. Depending on what Science demands, you may typically be asked to await pioneering in one of various, small Center Square Individual Modules. It is in a CSIM where you will eat and sleep, unless Science requires otherwise. Whenever you aren't in a CSIM, you will be performing Science.
In the past, fringe pioneers would be directly monitored by scientists; however, Science has proven that the monitoring, recording, and administration processes can be done many times more efficiently with an artificial intelligence instead of error-prone humans. Our artificial intelligence will introduce itself to you on site before you do Science in the Reality Fringe, and it will provide guidance throughout testing whenever Science permits it. If our artificially intelligent overseer asks you to do something for Science, you do it. If at any time you refuse, you could potentially invalidate all the results from the testing; should this be the case, it is authorized to reassign you to a slightly less favorable experiment concerning "the effect of extreme and sudden pressure changes on the structure of the human skeleton." Trust me, you don't want to participate in that experiment: Science has proven a 100% correlation between participation in the experiment and the near-immediate cessation of vital bodily functions.
Before I conclude, I will indicate that you will be the first of the fringe pioneers to test a new phenomenon and technology that will be sure to make the world a better place. We call the phenomena "Chronospatial Traversal Events." To experiment with it in a controlled fashion, you will be testing the Borderline Science Chronospatial Traversal Tool, although you may hear it referred to as the Chronogun. Our artificially intelligent overseer will give you further information and instruction concerning the device, insomuch as Science permits or requires it.
Thank you for joining the Fringe Lab team, and for joining Borderline Science, Inc. Enjoy the rest of your lives!
Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Borderline Science, Inc.